News: The Official Soundtrack

An old lion of the Serengeti. Wikimedia Commons.

An old lion of the Serengeti. Wikimedia Commons.

by David Mackie

What does the news ‘sound’ like?

Most of the time, it’s probably the sound of people screaming, babies crying and the crackle of our planet as it burns.

Is that what people want to hear?

Like a violent Quentin Tarantino movie, what News needs is a poppy soundtrack to act as a counterpoint to its unremitting bleakness.

So, with reference to both regional and national stories, here is News: The Official Soundtrack.

Lord Sewel

John Buttifant Sewel, Baron Sewel, CBE has been in the news for the past few days, having been filmed by the Sun snorting a mystery powder with prostitutes, and wearing an orange bra.

Yes, you read that right. Orange.

Yesterday he formally resigned from the Lords.

Who better to represent this sad tale than the Divine Comedy with this track which, although it doesn’t exactly match what went on, gives quite a nice flavour…

Street Lights

A key story today has been a report about street lighting – namely that reduced street lighting at night does not lead to an increase in crime or car crashes.

Researchers at UCL analysed 14 years of data from 62 councils in England and Wales which had tried strategies such as permanently switching off lights or dimming them.

They said the findings could help save money and reduce carbon emissions.

It looks like we might be getting our night skies back. Hooray!

Leeds Train Station

Chambers of Commerce in Leeds, York and Bradford have today urged the Government to scrap plans for a separate HS2 station near to Asda House, and revamp Leeds Train Staton instead.

This has been supported by Leeds City Council, with leader Judith Blake saying she “fully supports the call for the integration of the HS2 requirements with the existing station”.

Since no soundtrack is complete without a Nick Cave number, what could be more appropriate than this excellent B-side to the more famous Ship Song?

Cecil the Lion

This heartbreaking story of a puffed-up American dentist proving his macho credentials by slaughtering a lion with a bow and arrow has opened eyes the world over to just how awful humans can be.

Who better to celebrate the life of the magnificent lion Cecil than the sweeping brilliance of John Barry? It could’ve been Born Free, of course, but we’ve always preferred this:

Windows 10

The tenth and final instalment of Windows is here. From here on out, there will be no new versions, it will just update itself.

Windows has a billion users worldwide, so this is big news. Windows 10 will run on everything from smartphones to tablets, convertibles, laptops, all-in-ones and desktop PCs. Universal apps will run on all Windows 10 devices and the Xbox One games console.

One feature of the new Windows is Cortana, Microsoft’s answer to Siri,who is their AI in residence. Named after the sexy hologram from the Halo series, Cortana is perhaps just the thing to hot up the PC brand.

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